“You’re Wrong!”

Leadership Coaching Notes June 2009

“You’re Wrong!”

When Ian disagreed with another’s idea or feedback, he often said,  “you’re wrong,” and explained why his idea was “right.” Being “right”  isn’t enough and sometimes, Ian’s ideas weren’t great. How did he stop shutting others down or provoking arguments that didn’t need to happen? Ian shifted three things and changed his and his team’s productivity and spirit.

 What Worked

1. When Would They Be Right? When Ian knew his expertise was truly best, he realized his role as a leader was to teach, not to criticize. Ian challenged himself to figure out when another’s ideas might be valid. He stepped inside their shoes. When he did, he discovered new ways to connect, build richer thinking, and improve their capability.

What You Can Do: Agree and Stretch. Others’ views most often fall short for one of 3 reasons. They are outdated. They work in another situation, but not the current one.    They are based on incomplete information. Use one of these reasons to agree with others’ thinking and then show a better option. Outdated: “Oh yes, we used to do that, but the latest regulations have closed that option now.” Wrong context: “You’re right. We use that approach with ABC client, but this one has a different twist.” Incomplete information: “As a manager, you don’t have to do X but now that you are a director, X is a critical role.”

2. Be Chief Investigator – of Yourself. Ian learned to stop and consider that he might be the person who was outdated, under informed or thinking from the wrong context. He began to use disagreement as his signal to ask others for more input, not less.

What You Can Do: “Is there something I missed?” Check: When you hear information, a suggestion or feedback you disagree with, how often do you assume others are wrong vs. how often do you stop and investigate? Think about generational conflicts, for example. Do you judge others’ styles or seek to learn about them? As leaders, we often think we should know and be certain we know. But, great leaders build the confidence to inquire vs. dictate when confronting differences. Ask more than tell.

3. Decide: Speed or Learning? Ian’s urgency to produce results interfered with taking time to learn. Technology, meetings, workload and performance goals drove him to act vs. reflect. He realized his pattern was risky. If he wasn’t learning and improving, who was? He wanted a nimble organization, but wasn’t modeling the practices it required. He committed 5% of his week to reflective thinking and used disagreements as daily opportunities to stop and learn.

What You Can Do: Slow Down for Speed Bumps. Check: Which is more important to you,
speed through the process or speed to a great result? It is often an either/or choice. Slow down for
the speed bumps and you will ultimately get to your destination faster. Accelerate over the speed
bumps and you may breakdown at a very inconvenient time and delay arrival to your goals. Slowing
when difficulties hit can reduce your risks and improve the quality of your results. You choose.

Business Impact

Initially, Ian expected that slowing down was wasteful. He was happy to learn that his belief was
outdated. He gained insights that improved decisions, success and confidence. As he honored and
“stretched” others’ perspectives, he accelerated their learning, teamwork and innovation. Ian
became a model for his team to learn from disagreements. After the initial efforts to learn, “agree
and stretch” lowered his blood pressure a few points as well.

What’s Next

I love helping leaders and teams set meaningful stretch goals and then exceed their expectations. I
love thinking through powerful ways to meet current and emerging challenges. My clients have
achieved some outstanding results lately and I’d enjoy assisting you to accomplish the same.

If you or leaders you are developing would like to increase your effectiveness and success, please
call me to explore what can support your success. Our first conversation is always free.

Liked the article? Didn’t like it? Have any questions? Drop me a line mkimbell@corporateadventure.com. I’d love to hear from you!

All the best,

Meredith Kimbell
Executive Advisor,Strategy Consultant
Corporate Adventure

Leadership Coaching Notes uses real or composite client examples drawn from 25 years of coaching and consulting with leaders committed to solving their toughest personal, interpersonal and organizational issues.
Unless otherwise attributed, all material is copyrighted by Meredith Kimbell © 2011. All rights reserved. You may reprint any or all of this material if you include the following:
“Leadership Coaching Notes © 2011 Meredith Kimbell, Corporate Adventure, Reston, VA. Used with permission.”