Handling the Tough Questions

Leadership Coaching Notes December 2008

Handling the Tough Questions

Brenda’s team needed to deliver outstanding results even though she couldn’t guarantee them the successes or rewards they were used to in the coming year. Younger team members had only worked during “good times” and were now distracted by frightening questions: Could they count on the bonuses they had worked hard to earn? How secure were their jobs? What if they lost their biggest account?

She wisely scheduled an all hands meeting to talk about the future, but realized she was in new territory. What was the best way to handle the tough questions? How could she reassure and focus her team when she had so few answers? If you are facing similar challenges, keep reading.

Start Where They Are, Not Where They Aren’t: Brenda admitted she felt angry when team members didn’t “naturally” work harder, get more creative and step up when the need was “so obvious.” She realized that reacting from her belief that “they should be different” sabotaged the thing she most wanted – to inspire her team. Impatience and blame threatened HER creativity and success. She stopped to examine and accept that their concerns were their “reality.” Her expectations became her goals, not her excuse for righteous indignation.

What You Can Do: What “should be different” beliefs do you hold? About the situation you face (e.g., we didn’t deserve this; it isn’t fair?) About your team’s concerns (e.g., they shouldn’t worry about what we can’t control?) About what you “have to” deal with, (e.g., handholding shouldn’t be my job?)
Notice what happens to your mood, choices and ability to achieve your goals when you focus on what “should be different.” Your mood is contagious. Choose an urgent, constructive, inspiring mood. Start problem solving. What can happen for you, your team and your business when you deeply, unquestionably accept current reality as the place from which to build the future you want?

Connect Through Emotion: Many of the team’s questions (even the ones sounding logical and neutral) included a strong emotion, often fear, urgency or anger. If Brenda addressed only the rational content of questions, people would leave dissatisfied, “She just doesn’t get it.” Her people needed to feel connected with her if she was to lead them. She learned to simply name the feeling inside the question. When she did, they felt understood, participated more openly and were more willing to trust her guidance.

What You Can Do: Listen for inflection as well as words. Watch non-verbal expressions. These
will reveal the emotions embedded in your people’s questions. If the feeling is clear, legitimize it, e.g., “It is a natural to feel X.” (E.g., anxious, worried, pre-occupied or mad.” Or “I’ve heard several people worried about that question.” If you aren’t sure of the exact emotion, legitimize their “concern.” “Concern” is a general descriptor for difficult emotions that will build the connection you want.

Blend Honesty with Hope: Brenda could anticipate coming challenges, but was initially afraid to overwhelm her people by talking honestly about them. Instead, she found that “facing the brutal facts” together engaged her people. Knowing facts and exploring scenarios helped them think more clearly. When she also painted pictures of what was possible in the midst of the uncertainties and affirmed their strengths, she threw them a lifeline of hope and a vision worth working for.

What You Can Do: Between the news and the rumor mills, there is not much your people haven’t heard or guessed. Talk as honestly as possible about what you know and say what you don’t or can’t know. It will build your credibility and their clarity.

At the same time raise hope. Discuss what people most want to feel proud of on the “other side” of this economic downturn. Offer your vision. Tell stories about times your people have overcome big challenges by staying creative, resourceful, resilient and determined. Reconnect them to the possibility that they can surprise themselves, your competition and clients with the outcomes they can deliver. When you observe rising courage, mutual support and productive creativity, you’ve achieved the right blend of honesty and hope.

Business Impact

The final results aren’t in yet, but Brenda sees signs that she is converting her team’s fears into curiosity and courage with her straight talk. She’s building their ability to handle ambiguity and think more clearly during uncertain times by engaging them in exploring options. As she focuses on their strengths, she sees the growth of an internal confidence level that won’t change with their stock price. Finally, her team is beginning to act more like partners/owners than subordinates waiting for someone to provide for their future.

What’s Next

If you or a leader you know is struggling to inspire a team to play its “A Game” in hard times, please call for a free consultation. A coaching investment can help you stay your best and bring the best out from your team. The sooner you learn and address their concerns, the sooner the team can raise their game. Your call is free. I welcome your referrals as well.

Liked the article? Didn’t like it? Have any questions? Drop me a line mkimbell@corporateadventure.com. I’d love to hear from you!

All the best,

Meredith Kimbell
Executive Advisor,Strategy Consultant
Corporate Adventure

Leadership Coaching Notes uses real or composite client examples drawn from 25 years of coaching and consulting with leaders committed to solving their toughest personal, interpersonal and organizational issues.
Unless otherwise attributed, all material is copyrighted by Meredith Kimbell © 2011. All rights reserved. You may reprint any or all of this material if you include the following:
“Leadership Coaching Notes © 2011 Meredith Kimbell, Corporate Adventure, Reston, VA. Used with permission.”