Give It to the Goat

Leadership Coaching Notes May 2008

Give It to the Goat

Karen was a senior leader who couldn’t shake off mistakes, hers or others. She replayed them, lost sleep and, at times, worried about them even before they happened. She needed a goat. Never heard of it? Perhaps not, but stop and consider: Goats love piles of garbage. They thrive on old, rotten things that people discard. Keep reading to discover how a goat can be an invaluable leadership resource for you.

What Worked

Face the Facts then Give It to the Goat: Karen started rebuilding her effectiveness by distinguishing what she could change from what she couldn’t. History was over. No changing it. Next she tried to let go of any anger, embarrassment or criticism about mistakes, but Karen found that nearly impossible. It felt irresponsible not to worry about them, even though she knew holding onto them hurt her effectiveness. What broke the pattern was having something specific and beneficial to do with her worry. When she gave the event and her upset to the goat, he gained new garbage and she gained freedom to move forward at her best.

What You Can Do: Ask: Can I change my mistake now? Can I take back the email I shouldn’t have sent? Change the meeting that lost the account? Can I take back demoralizing a team member? History is over. Accept you can’t change it and stop trying.

When you hold a fear or frustration that saps your energy and focus, create a ritual that helps you release it. Some leaders journal. Some speak to a confidant. Some formally schedule a time limit for worrying, then stop. Some give useless pre-occupations to the goat. Find an approach you like and start using it.

Find the Lessons: When she stopped berating herself or others, Karen started thinking creatively. She converted her mistakes into new ways to improve future results. She realized outstanding leaders aren’t perfect, but they are committed to perfecting – starting with themselves. Karen accepted mistakes not as moral failures, but as opportunities to learn. She still wished she could avoid them, but learned to hold everyone’s humanity and imperfection with new grace and a new willingness to release mistakes.

What You Can Do: Once you’ve let go of obsessing about a mistake, think, perhaps with a trusted advisor or colleague, what you can do better with a similar challenge in the future. Commit to learning to resolve the challenge differently. Defining new options initiates forward momentum and gets you “unstuck.” Implementing them achieves new results and confidence.

Tell the Story of Your Mistakes: Karen initially hid her mistakes and couldn’t believe that I invited her to tell her story to her team. She assumed it would be humiliating and undermine her authority. Courageously, she began sharing the stories and discovered they had three valuable impacts: They taught her team how to avoid making similar mistakes. They encouraged her team to surface and think collaboratively about their mishaps. And, most surprisingly, they built stronger relationships by making her more approachable. Sharing the story of mistakes was the final act of releasing the past and moving forward with enthusiasm.

What You Can Do: Use your mistakes as teaching stories that benefit others. A good story has a problem, a quest for a solution, some twists and turns, failures and a compelling lesson. Tell the story with an appreciation that we all struggle at times. Sharing your struggle and new learning encourages others to recover too. Tell the story as the last step in liberating yourself and returning to being and doing your best.

Business Impact

Giving her upsets to the goat, learning from mistakes, and then sharing her story with others helped Karen to continuously improve. She wasted far less time feeling stuck and frustrated. Karen’s model accelerated the sense of safety, the speed of learning and the quality of results on her team. They learned that it was safe to risk playing big. They learned that the most serious mistakes were those they didn’t learn from quickly.

What’s Next

Use and share these ideas. If you find yourself spending too much time worrying and want to recover faster, contact me. Like Karen, a coaching program can support you in shifting your leadership impact and personal satisfaction.

If leaders you coach want to improve their ability to focus productively, suggest they call me. I am never too busy for your referrals. Our first conversation is always without charge.

Liked the article? Didn’t like it? Have any questions? Drop me a line mkimbell@corporateadventure.com. I’d love to hear from you!

All the best,

Meredith Kimbell
Executive Advisor,Strategy Consultant
Corporate Adventure

Leadership Coaching Notes uses real or composite client examples drawn from 25 years of coaching and consulting with leaders committed to solving their toughest personal, interpersonal and organizational issues.
Unless otherwise attributed, all material is copyrighted by Meredith Kimbell © 2011. All rights reserved. You may reprint any or all of this material if you include the following:
“Leadership Coaching Notes © 2011 Meredith Kimbell, Corporate Adventure, Reston, VA. Used with permission.”